Blacklists and Black Jesus

While city folks are busy evolving faster than their countrified counterparts, the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life is reporting that Athiests know more about religion in general than religious people do. As a longtime Militant Agnostic (I don't know and neither do fucking you) I have to say that this comes as expected. Many of us atheists and agnostics think the way we do because in the past we had some form of religion crammed down our throats, and as such, vividly remember silly little details about it. These silly little details, of course, became the catalyst that ignited our departure from the church. You can really only know so much about a religion before the plot holes start to become a little glaring. Believe it or not, I can recite the name of every book of in the bible, as well as tell you how they are categorized, while balancing on my head on wooden pew, while writing the Apostle's Creed with my left hand. See the wonders that come of six years of christian school? These are vital skills for today's increasingly competitive job market, people! How can one be expected to pull a decent shot of espresso without knowing one's catechism?
Author's note: From this point, I spent roughly and hour and a half blogging about religion before realizing I had not cracked one single joke. While angry rants are my bread and butter, I do like to spice it up with a little wry. KA-ZING!!! As such, I will defer to the advice of Black Jesus and continue the post in a secular manner.

Slow yo roll, cracker!

In keeping with the spirit of self-censorship I present you with this little item
With organized religion continuing to ravage reason and sanity on a global scale, it's only natural that other, non-religious entities would be inclined to jump on board the Scold Bus.  Google, for example, has recently incorporated a "blacklist" of words it will not auto-complete when typed into it's search box. The search function will still run once you press the return key, but Google isn't gonna recommend the correct spelling of autofellatio for you anymore. A user generated list can be viewed here, although it's a little creepy, what the webmaster giving a shout out to everyone that submitted a blacklisted word. I'm looking at you, "Bill". The only reason for this new development, at least as far as I can deduce, would be to protect the fragile minds of iPuritans who do not wish to be reminded that "penis" and "Pentateuch" have a few letters in common. Most of the list is directed at words that might have pornographic connotations, while others are geared toward racial hate. A few however, had me a little stumped. At the top of the list is "4chan". While I think we can all agree that 4chan is indeed one of the most exceedingly obnoxious and juvenile sites on the entire web, blacklisting it does seem a bit harsh. Perhaps someone turned a photo of Larry Page into a lolcats-style internet meme?

Not sure, but I found this on 4chan instead so, here you go.

The word "lesbian" is also blacklisted because, I guess, Larry Page frowns on that sort of thing. It's interesting to note that "Heterosexual" pops up just fine as does "gay" just so long as you don't try to type in another word after it. Google wants nothing to do with your "gay old time" even if it is a "Yabba-Doo time". Google really jumps the shark, however, when the programmers apparently tried to anticipate how an offensive search might possibly be misspelled. Thus we end up with "rapping women" and "women rapping" being on the blacklist. While Li'l Kim might not be everyone's cup of tea, don't you think she's really just more comical than offensive? The best of the bunch has to be, by far, "wrapping men". Firstly, I do not think a would-be rapist, no matter how illiterate, is going to put that "w" in there. Secondly, if we really are googling "wrapping men", I have to wonder in what manner we might be wrapping them? Cellophane? Wax paper? A whole mess of festive ribbon? Is this some obtuse reference to porn stars who wear condoms? I suppose it's entirely possible that this is some sexual fetish that I was heretofore ignorant of. I didn't know what the term "blue waffle" referred to until I saw this list and now the damage to my brain is good and permanent. Maybe someone out there likes their packages well wrapped, if you get my drift.

Hot.

The blocked misspellings got me thinking though. I think one could reasonably state that if you have to google how to rape someone, chances are when the rapey time comes, you're prolly going to do it wrong. Like get your dick stuck in someone's ear or something. Same goes for searching how to kill someone. You clearly lack the mental facilities to get away with something like that so let's just not even bother, shall we? Oddly enough, "how to get away with hypocrisy" seems to be blacklisted as well.