If places like the Waldorf-Asotria Hotel, Time Warner Center and Goldman Sachs are getting infested with bedbugs, what, pray tell, are my chances? Let's put this into perspective shall we? The Waldorf costs $730 a night for a room which is exactly $30 more than I pay in rent every month. The Waldorf hosts movie stars, diplomats and other folks not commonly associated with vermin infestations. My apartment hosts two bartenders, two cats and a dog who, when not rolling in decomposing what-have-you every time he goes out for a walk, is loudly and slowly licking his obscenely large dick while sitting on my couch.
 |
| I have successfully bribed my cat to refrain from such activities. |
Due to these facts, I feel I might somehow be at a higher risk for bedbug infestation than your average Waldorf resident.
Since I lack the necessary funds to do the fancy bedbug removal treatment, I would be forced to pitch out anything that I couldn't fit into a dryer. While pondering what it might cost to replace such items as a bed, couch or giant screaming demon rabbit from beyond the veil of sanity, I was reminded once again by a spiteful god that that I am well and truly fucked. While the article does not deign to define the parameters of what is considered "skinny" amongst the penis-bearers, I feel confident that, at 6' 4" and 155 lbs. I am, in fact, the perfect example of what they are talking about. While that kind of build is ideal for cavorting about the Burg of Williams, it apparently doesn't pull much weight (haha-HA!) in the workplace. The secret to my eternal financial nadir, revealed at last! And the whole time I thought it had something to do with my ass being incredibly lazy. What a sucker I was, what a rube!
Well, that's all I got for the day. Might be because of something like this:
Not sure. Can't remember. Try again tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment