In the aftermath of his little imbroglio with a reporter from the NY Post, Paladino realized that his reality show-like sheen of mental instability was losing it's previous luster, so he decided to go off and dump on the gays while giving a speech to a group of Orthodox Jews. An I quote:
"I didn't march in the Gay Pride parade this year. My opponent did. There is nothing to be proud of in being a dysfunctional homosexual. That's not how God created us, and that's not the example that we should be showing our children - and certainly not in our schools." -Carl Paladino
Let's check the scorecard on that pullquote real quick. Bashing the gays? Double tap. Bashing his opponent while tying his opponent to the previously bashed gays? Done and done. Invoking the children? Holy hells yeah! Tying the whole thing up under the guise of talking about the education system? Flawless victory!
Or at least it would have been, if reality even closely resembled the deathscape of screaming mason jars full of horse cum and flying rape turtles that is the inside of Paladino's head. So, meanwhile back on Planet Earth, "Hot" Carl had to weather the backlash to his unabashed gay-bash. But where weaker men would have crumbled, Paladino dusted himself off and did what he does best: talk like a crazy person.
Because everyone knows, if you get dizzy from spinning, just spin the other direction. The best part is where he starts talking about what it's like at the Pride Parades he in no way participates in or has any fantasies about or anything:
"I don't know if you have ever been to one, but they wear these little Speedos and they grind against each other and it's just a terrible thing."
You can almost hear his butthole quivering with anticipation of all the grinding! And yet, Paladino was not alone in his blind charge into the face of measured reason and logic this weekend. It was discovered the other day that Ohio GOP congressional nominee Rich Iott likes to play dress up. Specifically, Nazi dress up. When asked why in the world an utter cracker from already crackertastic northern Ohio such as himself would dress up like a racist fascist, he replied,
"I've always been fascinated by the fact that here was a relatively small country that from a strictly military point of view accomplished incredible things. I mean, they took over most of Europe and Russia, and it really took the combined effort of the free world to defeat them. From a purely historical military point of view, that's incredible." -Rich "Putting the Id Back In" Iott
Hmmm. You are fascinated by a small group of ideological whackjobs who sought to eradicate everything on the planet that didn't conform to their diseased, racist worldview? And you're running for congress under the Tea Party banner? I'm no Sherlock Holmes but, I do believe I've found a connection here.
Not satisfied with the Tea Baggers having all the fun, West Virginia's Democratic Governor and Senate hopeful Joe Manchin threw his hat into the three ring circus by running a campaign ad that assures the rest of the world know that West Virginia is still as fucked up as they think it is.
Yee-HAW! Shoot that pesky sumbitchin' cap 'n' trade fucker! I'll shoot it till it get's gone, cause that's what I do when them durn foxes gets into the chicken coop! Shoot em! I did like that they finally found a new use for The Man From Snowy River soundtrack, though. Not nearly enough rustic guitar music in our politicking these days.
And then God looked down from the clouds and realizing that his creation had clearly lost it's fragile grip on sanity, dialed up hell and told them it was OK to take New Jersey back.
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| Starting with Hoboken. |
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